Nervousness to Excitement

Can you believe I finally opened up my blog?! It feels so surreal. The title says it all, Nervousness to Excitement. I am giving a little back story about why I created this blog wholeheartedly.

Since elementary school, I found a true passion for writing. I always had an A in writing and then a C in reading. My ESL and regular teachers would say it’s because English is my second language, but I knew that wasn’t the reason. My mind is always on the run and expressing myself is an escape through writing. Until my senior year of high school, Mr. Cheung (my photography teacher) opened a hobby that I never really knew existed until I joined his class. Photography is a picture worth a thousand words. I can express a photo in many ways! Since I love writing, I thought of photojournalism. When it was time to choose a path for college, I chose photojournalism.

My number one school was Montclair State University (MSU). So when I applied, I applied for their journalism program and got accepted into the school itself. I was so excited! That quickly came to a turn when I needed to pass the interview for their journalism school. What I thought would be easy, was not easy at all. Walking into a classroom full of people ready to be interviewed, I immediately knew I was not going to get accepted. Not because I was already thinking this negative thought, it was because I was not prepared. When I heard them preparing and practicing, I was nowhere near their level. In high school, I only took journalism for half of the school year and that wasn’t even enough.

Since I was not accepted into their journalism school, my major was left to be undecided. I couldn’t even switch to the School of Arts because I also needed to interview in that school. I needed to have a major, I didn’t want to waste my time in a year of exploring other majors (not saying that going undecided is bad, it wasn’t on my agenda). So, MSU was not on my list anymore and I quickly needed to pick a school to go to. All my dreams of that school collapsed and I felt lost. Thankfully, because of Upward Bound (TRiO Program), I applied to a lot of schools, a few in State and two out of state. They had us categorize our schools into a number system and the only one that gave me a scholarship that helped tremendously and financial aid (90%), was Saint Peter’s University, which was my last card.

I was able to change my major to photography. A year later, I changed it to Graphic Arts. It wasn’t a waste since Graphic Arts electives were to take photography classes. There, I went through an emotional rollercoaster, yet I met amazing people and got to go to school with my high school best friend. It wasn’t only great friends, but there were also great professors. Through my smile and shyness, I was in pain and depressed since high school. It never really went away, it got worse in college. I was in a long-distance relationship for more than three years (that ended), and although life looked great (from what I made it seem), I was falling apart. I could never really feel happy because I was always so sad.

So, the best way I could express myself was through creativity and that was through photography and art projects. Almost everything I did, was done sentimentally. Almost every project meant something to me. The only person who read beneath my lines was my Advisor/Professor Mady. Sometimes she’ll pull me into her office and talk to me to see if I am okay. I would always yes, but she knew I was lying, so she always kept an eye on me.

Then came my senior year, towards the end of the first semester. There was an elective I had to take which was a painting class (hardest class but I was able to release my pain through a painting). It was my last project for that class and I never expected a student to ask me why I painted that painting. I choked on my words, but I expressed that I wanted to be free like the wind. I cried in front of my class, but I was finally able to release myself. About the painter’s name, I don’t remember the name but thank you!

Once my senior year was coming to an end, every senior has to do some sort of senior thesis, and can you guess what mine is? It’s to travel around the world and document what is going on through pictures and bring awareness of what is happening, good or bad. Here is an excerpt of my senior thesis (that was 10 pages by the way):

“I want to document what is going on, to let people know what is happening and make a change or at least view the change. It brings a side of me where I love talking about topics and can have endless conversations about them with people, so I can speak my mind out loud. There are so many places in this world to be viewed, experienced, and acknowledge so. Why not take the chance to record, photograph, and blog what is happening?! Bring the awareness. Your life matters too.”

Wholeheartedly, Jennsight is MY project, my brand, my baby and I will like to take it seriously. I’ve been hiding for so long and I just want to feel “me”. I often think of what other people feel and think and always put myself last, but this is another way of putting myself first. I can’t wait to show my future readers (and my future subscribers because yes, I finally made a YouTube channel) what I have in store, and hope to inspire or at least help people in stepping out of their comfort zone and travel (doesn’t need to be far, can be in your town).

In what I thought my sadness was going to be sempiternal, my life quickly came to a change once I got closer to my high school friend who is now my amazing boyfriend. It’s a story to tell another time.

In the end, I would like my creativity and art to influence people to go out more, get out of their comfort zone, not have social anxiety (or if you do, there are ways to help it), to talk to people, to explore what they don’t know and be a force of nature. I have come a long way and the people that know me, know I have come a long way. I am currently fighting my shyness and trying to speak out more, to have a voice (I get to fight my comfort zone with my new job ^_^).

Note to my readers: A lot of people will say “it’s bad to express yourself, to feel and feel too emotional” but, it is MY greatest strength and I am here to tell you that the number one way to get through what you are going through is to feel it and then release it. How can you move forward and seek change when you haven’t started it with yourself? You got this!